Where are the Men?

ChristianityToday’s August issue addresses the issues of marriage and singleness. Within the cover article, I found a disturbing statistic:

Unfortunately, American evangelicals have another demographic concern: The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation—a shortage of young Christian men.

Try counting singles in your congregation next Sunday. Evangelicals make much of avoiding being unequally yoked, but the fact that there are far more spiritually mature young women out there than men makes this bit of advice difficult to follow….I know, I know: God has someone in mind for them, and it’s just a matter of time before they meet. God does work miracles. But the fact remains that there just aren’t as many serious Christian young men as there are women, and the men know it.

…many men postpone growing up. Even their workplace performance is suffering: earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971, even after accounting for inflation. No wonder young women marry men who are on average at least two years older than they. Unfortunately, a key developmental institution for men—marriage—is the very thing being postponed, thus perpetuating their adolescence.

via The Case for Early Marriage | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction.

This makes my blood boil. Where are the men? Why are young men, my peers, holding onto selfish adolescence, embracing indolence as a lifestyle, and leaving the church? Why are they not sober-minded and considering their future?

I would venture three reasons why young men are not maturing as Christian men:

1. Young men are committing wholescale spiritual fornication

   Early Christian monks were very concerned about fornication, but not just the sexual kind. The concern of these Church patriarchs was committing spiritual adultery—loving God’s gifts above God. A serious study of the Old Testament prophets justifies this concern. In books like Hosea and Jeremiah, we see how God is fiercely jealous (protective) of His Bride, the Church. The relationship between us and God is characterized like that between a bride and a groom. For me, the love of God, to chase after His gifts, whether they be fun with friends, sports, entertainment, or possessions, is to make a cuckold out of God. It is impossible for young men to mature without actively deepening in their relationship with Christ. And it is impossible for that relationship to grow when they are loving the things of the world. “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” (Mt 6:24).

   What really makes me upset is that parents are encouraging their sons to abandon God by supporting their reckless pursuit of pleasure apart from God. When a parent pressures their son into competitive sports instead of ministry, they are endorsing a position that pleasure and success in the trivial world of sports is more important than surrender and obedience to God. Parents need to stop encouraging their sons to pursue the cultural definition of adolescence. A carefree teenage life is antithetical to the things of God, and a parent who wishes to please God and prepare their son for maturity needs to push their son into developing a relationship with God and living that out in service to others.

2. Young men are not being mentored and discipled by older Christians.

   As I mentioned earlier this week in Two Generations and One Deep Divide, young men are not seeking out the counsel of older men and older men are failing to mentor younger ones. It is foolish to think that a young man can grow to maturity without the input and involvement of many older men. So why is it not happening? Young men, on the whole, struggle with pride, and being willing to respect and listen to older men takes humility. Older men, it seems, are busily occupied living their own lives and struggle with selfishness and an unwillingness to open up and engage younger men. Ultimately, the Bible places the brunt of the responsibility for this relationship on the older men. As long as the older men in a congregation are not investing in the young men, there will continue to be an efflux of young men from our churches.

3. Young men are being driven away by low and high standards.

   Without a doubt, standards are important. Parents have the duty to define acceptable standards of conduct for their household. However, misuse of standards seems to drive young men away from the things of God. On the one hand, a family with low standards tends to demean God’s holiness and not foster the spiritual disciplines necessary for growth as a Christian. On the other hand, high standards tends to drive young men away rather than strengthen their faith. Parents must give their young men enough room to fail and an environment that is restorative and allows them to get back up. A vibrant relationship with God is more important than legalistic standards.

Our church is losing its men, and the results are sure to be felt in the next decades. What must be done to restore them? How can we prevent the rapid loss of faith among us?